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Happy Monday ,

"If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate."

Ouch, right? When I read this quote by Thomas J. Watson, former CEO of IBM, it hit right home.

What's YOUR relationship with failure, ?

Maybe you hate and avoid it like the plague.

Maybe you don't mind it at all and brush it off as if it were nothing.

Or maybe you know (on a rational level) that it's a good and necessary thing... but you just don't feel it.

For the longest time, I had a love-hate relationship with failure myself.

Theoretically, yes, I knew that it was an important stepping stone towards success.

In reality, though, I dreaded it and tried to avoid it at all costs. 

I put myself under extreme pressure, 

• over-preparing for every step to get it "absolutely right", 

• rehearsing every minor potential for mistakes in advance, and 

• feeling like any actual mistake would be proof of my incompetence and looming downfall.

It was exhausting.

Can you relate? If so, this email is for you 😉

But first, why am I telling you this? 

Recently, many of my 1-on-1 clients have brought up the topic of failure - mostly their fear of failure, but also actual mistakes and mishaps that they experienced in the past few months. 

And they felt ALONE in it, as if they were the only ones struggling with it.

Which is why I knew I had to discuss this topic with you, too, because...

👉 first of all, that's not true at all! The best of us fail & make mistakes all the time - they often just don't talk about it. As a personal coach, I know that better than anyone because I get a direct look behind-the-scenes. 

The question is not about whether you fail or not - it's about how quickly you get up and how you grow & learn from your failures. 

👉 and second, which better way to lead by example and start into this conversation with you again?! Because I failed you big time, too, and I'm here to not only admit this, but say SORRY. 

For several weeks, I went completely MIA. I took on too many things ... and poof, weeks had gone by without me managing to sit down and actually write to you.

So, if you've been wondering, you're not alone ;) We all make mistakes - really.

So this leads us back to our main question...

If you can't avoid it and have to go through it...

How can you change your relationship with failure then?

Because that's what it boils down to, really.

While I struggled with my fear of failure for many years, now, I feel calm and confident, even curious at the thought of failure.

Not that I wish for it, BUT when I think about (potential or actual) failures, I no longer get anxious or start spiraling. Instead, I truly see it as an opportunity to learn & grow.

And there was this one significant moment that made the biggest difference in shifting my mindset 👇

💡 Acknowledging that I had failed already 💡

One day, as I started spiraling again, thinking about the looming threat of failure, I suddenly had this thought...

Wait a second, I had failed already. Many times, if I was being honest.

I had failed in big and small ways. I had disappointed myself and I had disappointed others.

And it hadn't crushed me. It had made me stronger. 

(It's a cliché, I know, but it happens to be actually true... ;) )

Is that to say that it didn't suck in the moment? Of course not, it was clearly painful! Who wants to fail?!

But, I had done the work to actually recognize my mistakes and learn from them. And looking back now, I'm so grateful for many of the things that didn't work out. Because what emerged through them was so much better!

And sure, also this thought process of looking at my failures was not exactly "comfortable" at first (and I'm still a bit embarrassed to admit it openly here)... but it was also unexpectedly freeing & inspiring. 

It allowed me to let go of the pressure I put on myself and see how resilient I actually was. It opened me up to look at the resources and ideas that had helped me in the past - and, in turn, instantly boosted my resourcefulness & confidence in the present.

So, how can you do the same?

1. Be honest with yourself and look at past failures. Where have you failed before? What didn't work out as expected?

2. Look at the consequences and your current situation. What happened afterwards? Did your worst fears actually come true? Do these mistakes & failures still impact you today? If so, how? How did they affect you and what did you take from them?

3. Recognize the resources, inner strengths, and action steps that helped you deal with the situation. What did you do to handle them? Which solutions did you come up with? Who helped you?

If you allow yourself to genuinely investigate these moments and look at them as part of the bigger picture, I'm sure you'll realize how much strength & potential you've got hidden within them.

And, most of all, let that be a reminder: you're not alone and you've got this. 💯

Your Coach,

Monika